Wednesday, September 24, 2008

here we are broken.

So much for updating the new blog. sorry about that. things have just been...hard. life i mean. i am just feeling so overwhelmed lately. and tired. and heartsick. and i just don't know what to do to change it. part of me feels like i should write it all down, that it would be cathartic. but mostly i just start crying and can't get the words out. so they just stay in my head....and hurt.

we still have no money. that never changes. 10 years, and we're still at square one.

i'm tired.

the boy is broken. i hate that he is bipolar. i get so used to his 'normal' times, that i let myself forget the badness. i convince myself he's OK now. that he's "better". and then he crashes and i am faced with the reality that he will NEVER be fixed. he will always be broken to some degree and i will always and forever be walking on eggshells, waiting for the next crash.

the boy breaks my heart into a thousand pieces every single day.

i'm so tired, and i hurt so much.

my soul feels raw.

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